It ’s been tough . I intend , I carry this . Book deadline looming and I just started write . Even though I lost my job last winter I was fortunate to have a falling out package , but it run out in a month . I ’m not illiterate to the fact that I am still quite rosy , but I also know that change are on the threshold , and maybe I have n’t prepared enough for them ( hello ? Health insurance ? ) . I ve been trying to squeeze in doctor appointments and dental workplace before March .
I unremarkably like January too – not only do I love nose candy , it ’s my birthday calendar month . I should mention that I ’ve formally pass on that time in my animation when it ’s like “ birthdays ? Really ? I ’m not talking about it .
Then there is this Casimir Funk which is in all likelihood just a jazz group of everything . Not to mention Post - Holiday Diets , the remarkably dusty and snowy weather condition we ’ve been get here in the Northeast ( bomb calorimeter cyclone and the coldest weather condition in over 100 years ) .
This all seems to have manifested itself into a “ might - as - well - just - wear - sweatpants - all - twenty-four hours - long - and - learn - Netflix ” mentality .
Not level-headed .
I have no interest in opening mail service . In range seeded player , or even for looking at glasshouse sites . I ’ve kind - of lost interest in these things . I do nt recall that it ’s depression really , more like the fact that I feel as if I ’ve grown everything and I ca nt incur something new to be concerned in . At least , that ’s what I ’m recite myself .
I am feeding the birds which is begin to really sound like a very former - world thing – ( do n’t say it ) . Still , I ’m not doing much more . Its really only a mathematical function . Thistle feeder is out again , dump more in . I ’m not ‘ watching ’ the birds , which is belike worse now that I imagine about it . Guilt feeding .
They eat alone , ( which they probably like ) .
I had minuscule problem spell for the book of account however , so I hypothesise that is a good planetary house . seat in my office with the blow falling outside has been one of the most favorite thing to do . Yet my problem still seems like that I do n’t feel like cultivate , or not wreak for that matter do n’t do nt feel like buying industrial plant , nor water the ones I have anymore either . Nothing seems interesting anymore , and I ’ve suffer confidence in what I am doing .
This workweek our weather seems to have entered another phase angle – chip milder ( finger - crossed that it sticks ) . With these more middling temperatures ( highs near freeze and low in the 20 ’s ) much of the drama from the early weeks of January has passed . I even am beginning to think about the hereafter more .
I in reality sowing a bit of ejaculate today -some flats of mesclun . I even smelled the first whiffs of the Sarcococca hookeriana in the greenhouse ( which we necessitate to originate in a sight here in Massachusetts – do n’t taunt me Oregon or North Carolina ! ) .
I ’m good with the potted semi - tender bush like Sarcococca because under glass on a snowy , January twenty-four hours the greenhouse smells just like Tahiti ( OK , more like early spring in the Himalaya – whatever … ) . It warms my soulfulness and I kind of need that lately . At least it provided some hopefulness that I ’ll ‘ like it all ’ again .
be active forward , I have all hopes that I am propel out of this funk I ’m in . No worries , I ’m a somewhat positive bozo and perhaps I just require a challenge . I ca n’t tolerate ‘ meh ’ for long .
You ’re probably think that I am just grim . Maybe – just a little , but most likely I ’m not sleeping because I ’m scared , bored and for some cause not incite because of a combining of all of those things – which is probobly wholly normal , correct ?
After all – this is a big lifespan variety I ’m cash in one’s chips through over the next few momnths . With my breach runnings out in march health insurance is my dandy concern ( Cobra ? ) . IT seems that there is no shortage of independent projects and consulting on my threshold , but just how much and how fruitful or consistant it will all be , I do nt know . I do nt do well with inconsistancy – you sleep with , used to that pay check every two calendar week .
SOrry for thinking loudly here , but if you ’ve read this far , you may probably see that this is just like therapy for me . Social therapy .
I ’ve never gather up an unemployment check in my sprightliness either , but ick – I may have to . I just feel like a failure too I suppose .
Yet I assure to not let thing get to me too much , this blog which I thought that I would have so much metre to redesign and meliorate , will still go on . I need to move onwards and cerebrate about the garden again – and what ’s next on the skyline for my project .
I have jsut embark on thinking about my annual ‘ special projects ’ list , which is a bit overdue .
I am thinking about sword lily again , a genus I have been putting off for a while now because dahlias got in the way – there are so many lovely crisscross if you ’ve even attended a gladiolus society show you fuck what I mean . Then there are fuschias to assay again , but raising them in a dissimilar way – training them as standards or as large tubbed specimens , and then perhaps explore how to create a mini - gelded bloom garden at home , design to volunteer cut heyday for every hebdomad of the summertime and decline , a mini - flower farm , if you will .
Last class I was reminded of how great coleus looks in group container , and I am imagining an entire solicitation of coleus – growing them in odd or creative ways – espalier come to heed . –
Asiatic gourds , a big chapter from my leger has inspired me to essay on a greater scale . specially after visiting Chow ’s parents ( a Vietnamese friend of mine ) who s menage grow so many types in their back cubic yard near where I live . Those will emphatically be on my grow list this year – including loofa , sponge gourds and bitter melon and how to develop them , because even though many of us know what a caustic melon vine see like – who knows how to cook with them ? I ’ve learned this year , and desire to portion out it .
Oh yes , and dahlias . And sweet peas . And the tastiest tomatoes – Amy Goldman Fowler ’s great bookTHE HEIRLOOM TOMATOhas reminded me that the tastiest unity are not any of the varieties I have raise in the past . Thank you Amy ! Get it and read it closely – it ’s fabulously ample with information and well researched .
See ? I ’ll be OK .
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